ugh, you go to church EVERY sunday? why?

Now I'm going to start this off by saying I know just because you go to church or participate in church activities doesn't make you anymore of a car by standing in a garage. If you're like I was a few months ago, this message is not to you. Or you can keep reading to see if you have ever felt or feel the same as I once did and as I do now. Before I "had a spiritual awakening" *as we will call it for lack of better words, I went to church occasionally. Most of the time because hey, we live in the Bible belt and thats what you love about Sundays right? Honestly, I could think of a million other things I would rather be doing. Sleeping in, watching some netflix, hanging around all day in my pjs. Doing laundry. Really anything. And when I would convince myself that 9:45 really wasn't an early rising time, but I couldn't wake up too early because that would mean I would have to go to sunday school and no. Just no. So I'm saying all this to say.... You church people, that really enjoy going to church..... I DID NOT LIKE YOU. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE AROUND YOU. You guys were so excited. Legitimately excited about being at church. I wasn't. I didn't want to be there. So I isolated myself from anyone that seemed remotely happy to be there. Which was a lot of you. My body would even make up excuses to leave. I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm pregnant, whatever. Lets leave early, lets sneak out the back. Yall those words really did come out of my mouth. Now with that being said..... Feb 10 2015 I had a supernatural experience. One that changed my life forever. It involved what most people call rock bottom. If you don't know what I'm referring to, lets just say this was the moment God got my attention. And i literally felt him speak to me and after I surrendered I felt The Holy Spirit. (If you have experienced this you know exactly what I'm talking about. Its hard to explain but its the realest thing I've ever felt). So after this happened, the first time I stepped foot back into my church (which I have attended my whole life), I was one of those excited, hungry for The Word church goers. I get it now. I get you. I love you. I connect with you. I have new eyes to see you through. Its like God literally gave me new eyes. I love my pastor, but it was like I was hearing the sermon through a different set of ears. It wasn't just pure joy, it was INTENSE hunger. Hunger for the meat of The word. I didn't want to leave. and I still feel that way, months later. I've missed A LOT of time and I'm starving. Wanting more of Gods word. wanting to connect with my Father more. His word is His love letter to us and what better place to feed and grow and learn than with a group of brothers and sisters. Some of the people who annoyed me are actually the ones I connect most to now. It wasn't them. It was me. It wasn't their passion, it was my cold, cold heart. The second I walked through that church I saw people in a different light. And fellowship with other believers is now so important to me. Maybe if you feel you aren't connected to the people at your church, it has nothing to do with those people at all. Thanks for reading. I love you guys so very much.

The truth will set you free

The truth will set you free.

So I have heard many many times. I have never really understood this statement. I have always swept my sins under a pretty little chevron rug. Making sure the dirtiest mess was tucked nicely under the edges. If only I could make it through Sunday morning. If only I won't mess up and say something that reflect poorly on my character. If only I could go through the week with no one seeing my computer search screen, or hear me sing the vulgar Nicki Minaj songs that have such a great beat (we will just ignore the lyrics). If only my past of crossing boundaries within my marriage aren't spoken of, or heaven forbid the mistakes I made that cost me what I thought was my perfect life plan.  Lord, I apologize for putting you on the back burner while I tried to sort all of these things out. I tried like a tired and weary worn out being. No life. No direction. No guidance from my Father. Just wandering around like a helpless lost sheep. Folks let me tell you something. The truth will set you free.  We are not perfect. But we are made perfect in Him! Because of Jesus we are able to have fellowship with our Father. Our creator. I could tell you every little thing that I've done that is disgraceful to us humans. But the second I quit trying to manage it all myself and literally laid it at His feet, he took me in. And what had been so unmanageable became something that wasn't mine to bear any longer. Thank you Lord. There is nothing we can do to make him love us more and nothing we can do to make him love us less. I will tell u, having true relationship with God has changed my life. Completely. It's amazing what He will do if you simply allow Him.

Thank you for reading :)